The Reality of Love: Narcissistic View

“They lie to your face without a second thought and there’s nothing you can do about it. In fact, the lies are their truth. You have to believe them anyway.”

We have all explored the different dimensions of love in this series. Be it the idealistic approach which conveys multidimensionality as well as totality or the realistic approach which conveys the fact that love is nothing but an instinctual force consisting of ego, greed and possession. It intrigues me greatly to analyse how a narcissist would deal with it. How they contemplate love? What do they feel? Even if most of them live in a very different reality based on “delusions and denials”, they ought to comprehend it from a very different angle.

When we fall in love, our worldview changes drastically. Our heart leaps whenever we see our lover. We think constantly of them, even in the busiest time of our boring days. We wish to spend our whole life with that person and wishes them to stay by our side at all times. We make sacrifices just to put up that precious smile on their beautiful face. All we want is to make our partner happy, no matter what! But do narcissists feel the same way?

No! They don’t ever feel the same way as us. They don’t comprehend love as we see it. The truth is, it is highly unlikely that your narcissistic counterpart is even capable of love. In reality, they lack the capability to show or experience love the way it’s supposed to be. Narcissists are not equipped to admit or appreciate the authentic self of another human being.

In a way, they are “cynical” in nature. They don’t sacrifice anything for the sake of their counterpart. The only happiness they’re concerned with is of their own. No matter how harsh it sounds but that’s exactly the way narcissists feel. It is because the contemplation of love is extremely hard for them; even it is harder for them to analyse what other people make out of “Love”. However, concepts like lust, admiration and acceptance are easily contemplated by Narcissists.

One of the most basic issues with their behaviour is that they lack emotional empathy. Lack of object consistency is another quality that complements them, limiting the ways of experiencing or expressing positive feelings. In the backdrop of these basic issues they tend to substitute “practicality” for “Love” which ensures their self-justification.

Another problem with Narcissists is that they constantly refuses to believe in their flaws and faults. More than often, they tend to impose the fault on their counterpart and it certainly is their “part of the truth” that convinces them to live in their own bubble of righteousness. The lack of object consistency leads to frequent separations in their relationships and whenever they find “a new one”, they starts idealising that person. As, they inevitably discovers the partner’s flaw, they become disillusioned. They starts devaluing them and ultimately discards them.

Published by Arpan Roy

Just a Bibliophile!

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